Acceptance

Yesterday, Ben’s mom passed away.  She had spent a week at Mass General after suffering a heart attack last Monday.  Once the family had gathered to say their goodbyes, some coming all the way from Morocco, it was time to let her go.  Her passing is a blessing in many ways, but it doesn’t make it any easier for the family.

I spent a few hours alone with her on Sunday morning.  It was quiet, except for the machines that were helping her breathe, monitoring her, and providing medicines, and I had a lot of time to think.  Sitting there, I realized that although my mother-in-law didn’t speak English, and my Arabic is pretty bad, she gave me a very valuable gift – acceptance.

I’m sure when Ben was growing up, his parents expected him to marry a nice Muslim girl.  Yet they accepted me with open arms, and I never felt like they wished otherwise.  I don’t live by their rules, but I never felt any sense of disapproval…not because I work instead of staying at home with the kids, or because my house is usually a wreck, or I wear shorts, have wine in my cabinet, or have a dog (most Muslims do not believe in having dogs in the house).  I can honestly say that I always felt accepted into their family, and Hanna and Ba always greeted me with big smiles and enthusiastic cheek-kisses.

When I left Hanna for the last time, I kissed her forehead and turned to leave her room.  A friend of the family’s who I had met for the first time that day said, “Oh – one more thing…”  I turned back and she said, “She always said nice things about you.”

This is my favorite photo of Ben’s mom, taken on our boat in August of 2003.  I didn’t have much experience driving a boat, and I never would have expected her to agree to going for a ride, but she said something about only having one life and putting it in my hands without concern, and off we went. 

Acceptance.  A gift I will always cherish.