This morning in the middle of the chaos of having 3 kids on summer vacation and trying to get some work done, I got that giddy feeling that has been so elusive recently. I almost didn’t recognize it. It’s not that I’m usually unhappy or sad, but the range of emotions has seriously leveled out.
Twenty years ago I could go from depressed (“He didn’t call.”) to elated (“He called!!!”) at the drop of a hat. I felt hopeful when I woke up in the morning, proud when I was complimented by a customer, angry when something didn’t go my way, sad when I found out that I had been lied to, excited when I had plans to go out and mingle. Now my emotions on a typical day range from overwhelmed by my to-do list, annoyed when I have to say something for the 5th time, angry when I have to say something for the 10th time, enraged when I have to say something for the 15th time, and relieved when I’m able to escape and go to Zumba, a business dinner, or just to run errands.
Today was a great day. I had a few things that I had to do for work this morning, and I did them all. I had the afternoon off and went to Lana and Larry’s to tire the kids out in the ce-ment pond. While I was there, our niece cleaned our house top to bottom. When we left the pool to take Adlani to Taekwondo, Norah fell asleep and I went through the DD drive-thru, got an iced latte, and had a half hour of peace and a People magazine.
After that we went to Papa Gino’s for Aliya’s soccer party, and tired the kids out again. Aliya went back to Lana’s so I *had* to go get her [alone] later on. When I walked in, Lana handed me a plate and a beer, and I got a little misty. We watched some Friday night trash TV, and came home to a quiet house with everyone asleep.
Add in the fact that BJs now stocks turkey pepperoni, I got new hand soap and shampoo at Trader Joe’s, and I have a bowl of raspberries and whipped cream waiting for me to finish this post, and it was a fabulous day. Meeting our new friend Bailey, who just arrived from Ethiopia (and is the most lovely, delicious baby ever), made it even better.
It’s all about perspective. My kids are still rowdy, my house still has piles, and my to-do list is still long. But I’ve been working on getting things organized, prioritizing the responsibilities I take on, and checking at least one “toleration” off the list every day. I’ve been sleeping at least an hour more each night, and I feel better. Aliya has been a huge help in getting the house in some semblance of order, and she works cheap. 🙂
I realized the other day that this is the way it’s going to be for a long time. I’m not pregnant or nursing an infant any more. My kids all buckle their own seatbelts, wipe their own butts, and dress and feed themselves. I don’t have an excuse…”I’ll have more time when Aliya’s out of diapers…Adlani learns to walk…Norah morphs into a human being…” I’d better learn how to manage the time that I currently have, because I’m not going to have more time until Aliya learns to drive. No more waiting for things to get better…the time is now.