When people heard that we were headed to Mexico this summer, there were several who responded with fear and trepidation because of the bad press about Mexico.  Yes, there are certain areas of Mexico that I wouldn’t want to visit right now because of the drug-related violence, but San Miguel de Allende is far removed from the danger.  Of course you need to avoid flashing large sums of pesos around or walking alone late at night, but it’s very safe here.

While I was Googling for proof that SMA was not in the danger zone, I found a blog post listing the 10 most dangerous things about San Miguel de Allende and I decided to create my own version.  Here are the 10 things you need to take note of if you come to SMA:

Walking – El Centro is bustling with cars and people. The sidewalks are narrow and there are steps, ramps, cobblestones, and the occasional hole to watch out for, along with window sills, doors, and other things jutting off the sides of the buildings. There’s so much to look at that it’s easy to fall off an unexpected curb cut while gazing at the embroidered tops or painted figurines (or doors). When you step off the curb to pass someone, look first or you may be hit by one of the many buses or taxis. On certain streets you can get stuck behind a couple out for their evening stroll, with no break in the traffic to allow you to pass – especially when you have 7 people in your party.

Not recommended:

Rain (and Sun) – We’re here during the rainy season, so I expected rain and packed raincoats for everyone. It has actually only rained about 4 or 5 times in 2 weeks, but when it rains, it pours. Each building has rain spouts that go from the roof to the street, so if you’re walking in the rain you need to watch out for those unless you want a shower. And avoid wearing flip-flops in the rain because we had another flip-flop accident yesterday (told ya so). When it’s not raining the sun is very strong, so I’ve been pink for a good part of our trip. The kids have Ben’s skin pigment and are all brown little berries, even thought we used sunscreen.

I haven’t taken my camera out in the rain so this is someone else’s photo, but it confirms our theory that the trees in el Jardin are dense enough to provide some protection during a downpour:

Objets D’Art – They’re EVERYWHERE and there are two problems: 1) I am terrified that one of the kids will break something. 2) I want to buy at least one of everything. I had been warned about “drunk shopping” but I’m dangerous even with no alcohol involved. There is beautiful embroidery, metalwork including light fixtures (I want one!), painted pottery and wood, silver and beaded jewelry, baskets, paintings, rugs…a zillion amazing things. I will be leaving Mexico flat-broke with college in jeopardy, but it makes me feel better if I think about how I am helping the local economy.

Some photos from the Artisans’ Fair at Instituto Allende over the weekend:

Beer Bottles – I don’t understand the beer bottle return policy. The first time I bought beer I couldn’t figure out what the cashier was saying, even with the help of 3 interpreters and the bag boy. So I told her to just forget the beer but she sold it to me anyway. We decided she was saying something about needing to bring the bottles back. So we tried to return the empties and were told that we needed some sort of receipt or ticket. The next time we took the receipt but apparently you’re supposed to return the bottles within 2 days and we were beyond the return period. So at this point our housekeeper is probably thinking that Elizabeth and I are a couple of drunks because we have enough bottles to build one of those beer-bottle pyramids from my college days.  Problem solved – wine bottles are not returnable.

Chilis – You never know where you’re going to find chilis – chili pepper, chili sauce, or the peppers themselves. It’s on the roasted corn, potato chips, plantains, of course a lot of the tacos and gorditas, and the scariest place – candy! Even the Mexican Doritos are spicier than the ones at home.  Last night we ordered pizza and it came with 2 containers of chili sauce. 

Dogs – There are A LOT of dogs in SMA – both street dogs and pets. Most of them don’t seem to bother anyone, but they do bark at night (especially when there’s a raucous party going on) and while you’re watching the sidewalk for steps, ramps, and holes, you also need to watch for dog poop. SMA employs people who clean the streets (sweeping by hand with twig brooms!) and in general it is very clean, but we have had the occasionally poop-on-a-shoe incident (another reason to skip the flip-flops).

Fireworks – We have heard random fireworks throughout our stay – for weddings, new babies, and other celebrations. If you didn’t know about this tradition in advance, you might think the city was under siege, especially when they go off at 7 a.m.  Last Sunday there were enough fireworks that we made it up to the roof in time to enjoy them, but usually it’s just a few that we hear but don’t see.

Clowns – In el Jardin there are always musicians and other performers, one of which is a clown act. The grand finale is when the clown (a full-grown man) and two tiny-women clowns act out a song about a man torn between two lovers (no, it’s not the song by Mary MacGregor), which includes them beating each other – of course not for real but we all found it a little disturbing, while there were some spectators who were laughing hysterically. A very interesting cultural dichotomy.

Spanish – This is Mexico, and the residents of SMA primarily speak Spanish. I had heard people say that SMA was “Americanized” because of all the ex-Pats, but I disagree. I’m sure there have been some changes brought on by the relocation of so many Americans and Canadians, but SMA is still very Mexican. I’ve been working hard on my Spanish, but I need to get serious about it so I can move to SMA someday.

Desire to Relocate – I’ve heard that a lot of people come to SMA and never leave. If it wasn’t an insanely complicated idea, I’d go home, rent out my house, pack up the necessities, and come back for an extended period of time. And if I hadn’t already spent my life savings on Mexican arts and crafts, I’d buy a house here. I will live here at some point in my life. I love the energy of this place.

And there you have it – the dangers of SMA.  Don’t come unless you can handle creepy clowns, unexpected chilis, and occasional poop-on-a-shoe.

One thing Elizabeth and I love about SMA is that it’s really easy to meet people and it’s such an interesting mix.  There are a lot of ex-Pats here but they don’t seem to be your ordinary run-of-the-mill retirees (no offense to any ordinary retirees reading this).  On the horseback excursion we met an award-winning cinematographer, and his nephew – from Waitsfield, Vermont (I lived in VT until I was 25).  We met the neighbor-lady art teacher with the big fluffy dog who drives down from Michigan whenever she has time off.  We met several people at Casa Hogar Santa Julia, including the director of a bilingual school, and a real estate agent who spends a lot of her free time with the girls.  Since I was having trouble with my back I sought out (just short of stalking), a chiropractor who is familiar with Direct Non-Force Technique, and went to his house for a craniosacral treatment with his wife and and adjustment with him.  They moved down from Berklee 2 years ago and built an amazing house.  They’re now working on a movement studio in their yard.  Very cool and interesting people.  Yesterday I had the best massage of my life, from a massage therapist who was born here, moved to Texas where she learned English and massage, and moved back.  I asked her 1,000 questions until she had me flip over – possibly to shut me up.  Elizabeth met two ladies at La Gruta who moved from the US years ago, got married and had kids here.  She later saw one of them at Mega (the big grocery store), and we also saw someone we met at the organic market there – the kids ran after him like he was a long-lost uncle.  Then there’s Becca, our wonderful contact at Casa Hogar Santa Julia who just graduated from college and is spending close to working with the girls.  And of course Albert Coffee, our archeologist guide from Louisiana.  There’s always so much going on here and so many opportunities to meet people, and an obvious desire to fulfill their social responsibility.  Right up my alley.

Two of our favorite new friends are Rodrigo and his daughter Monique, from our horseback riding trip.  The weirdest thing happened yesterday.  Elizabeth and I had booked massages in the morning and hadn’t made a lot of other plans for the day.  It was their last day in SMA so we wanted to make the most of it.  The kids finally decided that they’d like to go back to Santa Julia.  We wandered a couple of blocks away from our house and got some churros and ice cream, then grabbed two taxis.  While we were standing at the gate waiting for someone to buzz us in, along came Rodrigo and Monique on a 4-wheeler.  We were so happy to see them!  They live RIGHT next door to the orphanage – we could see their house from inside the walls.  Since nobody had answered the gate yet, Rodrigo said we should come see their monkey.  Monique had told us that she has a snake named Monkey so I thought we were about to meet her snake (yuck), but it was a real monkey.  And not one of those creepy monkeys but a lovely affectionate monkey called Susie.  She climbed on each person’s lap and sat there like a little kid.  I have a monkey phobia but she was very gentle and they have had her for a really long time.

After we untangled the monkey from the kids we went to spend some time with the girls, and when we came out, our taxis were a no-show.  While we stood there wondering how long we should wait before calling another one, Rodrigo and Monique came out of their house to go somewhere.  The kids were enamored with the 4-wheeler, so Rodrigo offered to give Norah a ride around the block.  So off they went, no helmet, leaving me wondering whether this was going to turn out to be my worst mommy-moment ever, or an amazing memory for the kids.  As I edited the photos I just realized that as she was driving the 4-wheeler, she also had a lollipop in her mouth.  I’m pretty sure some rules were broken there.

To top off our visit, which was like a trip to Mexican Disneyland at this point, we went to see their other animals – horses, a Doberman, 2 goats, and a donkey.  It was a great and unexpected adventure, and everyone is still in one piece. 

Since we started planning this trip at the beginning of the year, we knew that one of the things we wanted to do was to go horseback riding.  Or at least some of us wanted to go horseback riding, and others were willing to go along with it at the risk of permanent disability.  We decided to make it the big birthday event since it’s one of the more expensive activities on the itinerary (although at this point I feel like I’m spending money like a drunken sailor so I just keep reminding myself that you can’t take it with you).  We really loved our pyramid trip with Albert Coffee, and he recommended his business partner Rodrigo for a horseback riding trip, so we checked out the options on the Coyote Canyon website and decided to do a modified half-day adventure.

Our birthday started with a great breakfast prepared by Elizabeth and Aliya – eggs, turkey bacon, watermelon, and donuts from la panaderia, complete with a paper banner to decorate.  Then Rodrigo picked us up (at Starbucks again) at 9 a.m., along with a grandfather and grandson.  I felt a bit sorry for them to have to hang out with the Noisies for the day but they were very patient.  Rodrigo also brought along his daughter Monique, who is close to Aliya’s age.  The girls loved her.  We drove out to the ranch, which is right next to the pyramid.  Aliya had milking a cow on her bucket list (do 11YO’s make bucket lists?) so our first stop was the cow pen.  A few of the calves had been separated from their mothers overnight, and the ranchers let them out one at a time to get their mother’s milk flowing.  Each of us had several turns at milking with the help of some of the ranchers who probably had more fun watching the gringos try to milk cows than we had doing the actual milking.  I think they got sprayed a few times.  Ultimately we were all successful, although considering my breastfeeding experience I don’t think it’s much of a challenge to milk a cow after her calf got her started.

The girls had their first outhouse experience:

After signing our liability waivers (insurance was included for free – red alert!), Rodrigo gave us a lot of instructions on how to ride the horses.  Hannah is the only rider with experience – the rest of us have had a combination of pony rides, those mechanical horsie rides that the grocery stores used to have out in front, and a couple of trail rides.  We had to place all of our trust in Rodrigo and the cowboys who accompanied us, especially since we were headed down a steep trail into the canyon, up (and through!) the river, and then back up another steep canyon trail.  He told us that in over 8,000 riders only 35 people had fallen off…so either our odds were good or they were overdue for an accident.

Rodrigo giving instructions, Chato and Adlani listening intently:

The cowboys had all of the horses saddled up, and picked out one for each of us.  Adlani’s was small but perfect for him – he turned out to be a total natural.  I don’t know if was because he hasn’t developed any fear yet or if he was a cowboy in a past life, but he did really well.  Rodrigo even recommended that he do a 2-week internship as a cowboy’s right-hand man.  As we were heading out, 2 dogs got into a little tiff and ended up under Adlani’s horse, and he stayed on and didn’t freak out.  Norah was very unsure about the whole thing, and started out with a cowboy leading her horse.  She was strapped into the saddle, so there wasn’t much that could wrong short of her horse toppling off the canyon wall, but she was really nervous.  When we reached the bottom of the canyon Rodrigo convinced her that she didn’t need the cowboy, and she rode back up on her own.

Norah at the beginning:

And at the end:

The ride down into the canyon was a little scary but the horses were very sure-footed, and Monique explained to the girls that since horses have 4 legs they can easily recover if they slip.  We all hung our hats on that and it was also comforting that Rodrigo was riding all around us back and forth up off the trail, sometimes in much steeper areas, and his horse had no problem.  We had 4 or 5 cowboys with us plus Monique and Rodrigo.  What could go wrong?

Rodrigo keeping an eye on things:

There were a few opportunities to gallop when it was safe, and Adlani galloped every time.  Rodrigo took a great video of him, which we will have in a few days, along with a ton of photos.  We’re so happy to have Rodrigo’s photos since all of mine are of the butts of the horses in front of me.

When we got to the bottom of the canyon we got off the horses (ouch) and walked along (or in) the river looking for quartz and geodes.  The kids LOVED it, and brought home a TON (literally) of rocks.  The cowboys carried them home for us so they definitely earned their tip.  Norah found a really cool rock which was formed by cooling lava.  She wrapped it up and gave it to me for my birthday.

I was more comfortable going up the canyon than down, but some members of our party preferred the downward trail.  Maybe I was just more comfortable with the horse or my meds had fully kicked in.  (:  Once we got to the top the horses knew that there were only 9 gringos standing between them and lunch, so they got a little excited.  Mine didn’t like the look of one of the cowboys’ horses and tried to give him a bite.  I think he also got a bug up his nose because there was a lot of snorting and head-shaking for a while.  But we made it back without incident, and had a fabulous lunch of quesadillas, fresh cheese made that morning, guacamole, breaded and fried peppers stuffed with cheese, rice, veggies, and potatoes with scrambled eggs – all so delicious.

Then Rodrigo drove a very tired band of bow-legged city slickers back to town and we limped home.  My UP band said I walked over 17,000 steps yesterday.  I know most of it was on horseback but it was hard work just staying in the saddle, so I have no problem claiming those steps as my own.

I will post more photos once I have the ones from Rodrigo.

August 1st is my birthday, AND Chloe and Hannah’s, so we planned our horseback riding expedition for tomorrow to celebrate.  We’re already assuming that we’ll be too tired to go out for dinner, and I heard a rumor that Maria is going to help with the actual birthday dinner, so we went out tonight for our cena de cumpleaños.  It was a beautiful night so we were hoping to find a rooftop restaurant.  The first two were closed, so we ended up at a restaurant where we had eaten before, except this time we were able to eat on the roof.  Our evening in photos…

The moment I overcame my fear of margaritas after a bad tequila incident in college (it only took almost 30 years):

The beautiful sunset:

Adlani ate an entire medium pizza except the one slice he shared with Hannah:

I have no idea what’s happening here:

Two of the birthday girls and Shortie:

It was an otherwise uneventful day…the kids slept late, I got some work done, we went to breakfast at 11:30, did a little shopping at Fabrica la Aurora, did a little more birthday shopping, and went to dinner.  The end.