Taking Up Space – Part 2

Posted on May 12, 2015
by Lori

Preparing for a move has been very motivational, especially when it comes to purging the stuff in our house so that someone else can live here. All of the skeletons have to go, the secret hiding places won’t be secret any more. That reminds me of one time when I showed my friend Karen a room in my house filled with storage and I called it my “dirty little secret.” Her daughter, who was probably around 7, went home and told her father that I have a dirty little secret. Maybe that’s how my reputation got started. 🙂

Out of necessity, my rule these days is that everything in our home has to have a place to live. We’re not quite there yet, but we’re headed in the right direction. The kids are constantly trying to bring something else home and I always ask them, “Where is it going to live?” In the next 2 months I will have to stay tough on this, or our house will never be in shape for our departure.

One of the difficulties I encountered during last week’s sorting and purging was the vast amount of gifts that we’ve received over the years; there was an emotional attachment that went beyond the rest of the stuff. Many of these gifts have been used and enjoyed and made it through the purge, but there were others that really got me thinking about the whole idea of giving and receiving.

At the bottom of the bin of VCR tapes, I found a boxed set of PeeWee’s Playhouse – the entire series. I remember my father asking what I wanted for Christmas that year, and that’s what I put on my list. I REALLY loved that show (“LET’S SEE HOW BIG MY FOIL BALL IS TODAY!”), and I was excited to receive the gift. But the majority of the VCR tapes were still wrapped in plastic – never watched. For over 20 years, that boxed set has been taking up space in my house. It probably cost a hundred bucks “back in the day.” It was a possession that I owned, but didn’t use and enjoy, and now PeeWee has left the building. Maybe he is at someone else’s house now, or maybe nobody at the school yard sale was a fan.

I hate to waste anything – food, time, effort, water, paper, money. But when Christmas rolled around, the old me would buy my kids lots of stuff, because that’s what makes them happy. But then some of the stuff has nowhere to live and becomes a liability, a responsibility. I could spend my entire life picking up stuff and moving it back to where it belongs. I own some things that bring me joy, but I usually can’t see them because of the other stuff.

I recently received an invitation to my 1YO nephew’s birthday, and it requested that we bring no gifts, saying something like, “our lives are full enough.” My grandmother used to say, “If I can’t eat it, read it, or wear it, I don’t want it.” Bravo (although I would add “drink it” to the list)! I respect these positions. Although I appreciate all of the gifts we’ve received, nobody in my family needs anything. We’re hard-pressed to even think of something we want. For anyone planning to give us a gift from here on out, I would love to receive the gift of your presence – to spend time with you, go on an outing, or have a meal together. And if I don’t send you a gift for every holiday, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. We all have enough.

For Christmas 2015, or should I say – Navidad, we will have friends visiting us in Mexico. There will be gifts, but very few – likely names drawn from a hat and some stocking stuffers. Will the kids be disappointed? Will they think it’s the worse Christmas ever? I don’t think so. I hope not. I’ll let you know.

Taking Up Space – Part 1

Posted on May 11, 2015
by Lori

Last Saturday was a biannual event that I look forward to with great anticipation…the elementary school yard sale. The week-long period for dropping off stuff to be sorted, priced, and sold by someone else is major motivation for me to clean closets and open bins that have been stored for years. Usually I’m one of the first to jump in and volunteer to help with any task, but my ability to work on the yard sale is mostly limited to supplying the goods. The sight of all that *STUFF* makes me nauseous.

When this stuff came out of the garage, I didn’t recognize most of it!

The same thing happens when I go into one of the kids’ bedrooms and they have stuff covering every flat surface including the floor. When they want “snuggle-time” and their room is like that, I just can’t do it. I think they’ve figured that out because Norah (the most frequent snuggle-time requestor) keeps her room really neat. She even makes the bed every day! When my own bedroom has stuff all over it, I don’t want to sleep there. And I avoid the basement and garage because of all the stuff stored there. The stuff is suffocating me.

I took 7 car-loads to the yard sale last week. I have been doing this for YEARS, but this time I was able to dig down to the next layer. There were 2 bins of CDs and a bin of VCR tapes that I sorted and delivered, plus 2 bins of DVD cases that need to be recycled. There were at least 3 giant trash bags of clothes that don’t fit anyone in our household and never will (we store Aliya’s for Norah). There’s another giant bag headed to Morocco. I purged several boxes of books and we still have 3 floor-to-ceiling bookshelves full. Housewares, toys, a couple of small pieces of furniture – out it all went.

Norah was concerned about reusing wine boxes for yard sale drop-off.

But there’s still more. A lot more. As I sorted, I kept thinking about the depressingly huge amount of money all of this stuff represents…tens of thousands of dollars. Before I became rabidly stuff-averse, I was an easy target of any type of marketing. Once I saw Julia Roberts on Oprah talking about how she was addicted to a handheld Yahtzee game and I scoured the stores until I found one. I was a “collector”…if one Reba McEntire CD was nice, owning her entire collection would be even better. I saw a lot of soundtracks in the CD bin, and I remember going to see the movie Cocktail with my friend Sherry and then driving directly to the record store. I also had a huge collection of games – we actually used to play them a lot back in the 80’s, but many of them had not been used since then.

The collection of stuff got worse when I had kids, because I would look at the lists on BabyCenter.com or in whatever article I was currently reading, and feel like my baby needed all of those things – plus the baby stuff is so cute it’s hard to resist! I had several slings, every type of baby seat, the entire Baby Einstiein DVD collection, and so many clothes that I could have dressed my baby in a different outfit every day. The baby stuff left my house long ago, but so did the money spent on stuff that was rarely or never used.

Ben is not as list-motivated or as vulnerable to marketing as I am, but he doesn’t like to get rid of stuff. In Morocco, there are a lot of things that are still not as available as they are here, and 40-50 years ago he had even less access to stuff. If someone in the posse had a soccer ball it was a big deal, and they played with it until it could no longer hold air. We probably have 15 soccer balls somewhere in this house. If I try to get rid of one, Ben sees it as an item with value and wants to hold onto it. The same goes for clothes…“someone in Morocco could use that.” He has all of his old college textbooks because they were a big investment. We were a lethal combination of 1 who buys (or USED TO buy) and 1 who can’t let go.

Stay tuned for Taking Up Space – Part 2…Gifts.

Happy Mothers Day!

Posted on May 10, 2015
by Lori

I don’t know what I expected motherhood to be like, but I am positive that my current reality isn’t what I had in mind. With regard to “the big stuff,” I’ve got everything to be thankful for. The kids are healthy and happy. They are kind and compassionate, smart, and fun to be around. They are past the stage of eating bugs off the ground and bonking their heads on the coffee table, and for that I’m grateful.

They started asking me about a week ago what I wanted for Mothers Day. I did pick out 3 pieces of jewelry so that each kid would have something to give me (I’m so thoughtful), but what I really want for Mothers Day has more to do with “the small stuff.” I know we’re not supposed to sweat the small stuff, but the small stuff is what’s making me insane.

My Mothers Day Wish List:

I would like to spend all of my bathroom time without anyone trying to speak to me through the door, screaming my name from elsewhere in the house, or texting me.
I would like the giant laundry mountain in the basement to disappear, even if it reappears as a clean-laundry mountain on the couch.
I would like the orange silly putty removed from under the back seat of my car, along with all of the other disgusting detritus.
I would like everyone to do their daily chores, clean up their bedrooms, and pick up the random socks and art-in-progress they’ve left all over the house, without being asked 25 times.
I would like all family members to take a day off from bickering and intentionally trying to annoy each other (this may require sequestering themselves).
I would like all kitchen cabinet doors and drawers to be left in the closed position when not in use (I can see from my chair that Norah just left the pantry door open).
I would like someone else to procure the dog’s stool sample that I need to drop off at the vet tomorrow.
I would like to take a nap on the couch without waking up to whining, a video game battle, or the sounds of rejoicing due to stool-sample success.
I would like each child to write me a note about how much they love me, so I can pull those notes out and read them each time I’m counting to 10 to avoid physical violence.
I would like someone to cook me a nice dinner and serve it to me with a glass (or bottle) of wine on the couch while I watch a Househunters International marathon.

Is that so much to ask?

Just in time for Mothers Day, we had a photo shoot with our favorite first grade teacher / soon-to-be full-time photographer – Nicole Schwalm. We decided to meet at the school playground, since the kids have so many happy memories of falling off the monkey bars and getting wood chips in their shoes there. I’m not always the best at follow-through, but I have had the kids’ photos taken at least once a year. 2015 – check!

Happy Mothers Day to everyone who has ever done any mothering! And thank you to my village!

Good Work – Part 2

Posted on May 6, 2015
by Lori

Yesterday I wrote about my job – what I do and how it came about. There’s more I wanted to say, but I was afraid that too much door-talk would make some of you pass out from boredom (except my door-people who are reading this…I can hear you hanging on every word! 🙂 ).

First, I’m so grateful to be able to work from any location that has a stable internet connection, and have the flexibility time-wise to be a mom. That often means that I’m working at midnight or on the weekend, but it’s worth it to be able to chaperone the occasional field trip or pick up a sick kid from the nurse’s office. I’ve been working at home for more than 10 years, and getting work done has never been an issue. The biggest problem is knowing when to stop.

I don’t expect that working from Mexico will be a whole lot different, except that I hope to do a better job of setting limits. I have made some improvements in that area already; I used to work until at least 2 a.m. most nights. I was bragging to one of my favorite coworkers (now retired) that I had cut back and was usually in bed by midnight (yay me!), and he said, “Go to bed at 11 instead – it won’t make one bit of difference in your inbox.” He was right. I could work 24/7 and there would still be more to do, so I have to find the strength to walk away when my day (or night) is over.

I’ve worked from San Miguel de Allende before; in fact, for quite a few years our family has been traveling for a month or so each summer. I work part-time during that month, and also take some vacation time, but I’m able to keep my work-blog running and answer any questions that come in. I worked from Morocco last summer and also in 2012. Before that, most of our trips were in the US because the idea of taking 3 wild and crazy kids on an international extravaganza seemed insane. I had no issues working from Mexico in the summer of 2013…fingers crossed that the Mexican infrastructure won’t fail me.

The other great thing about my work is that I can use my amplified online voice to spread the word about whatever issues are important to me. I’ve written a lot about the importance of fire door assemblies that protect us when a fire occurs. I’ve evangelized about the hazards of traditional wired glass, which is responsible for more than 2,000 injuries in schools each year – injuries that are often debilitating and sometimes even fatal. I’ve even used my reach to help a friend in need.

My hot topic now is school security, and specifically the means of locking classroom doors if there is an active-shooter in the building. Although there are code-compliant locks to provide security as well as free egress, fire protection, and accessibility, some schools are turning to less expensive retrofit security devices that teachers can use in an emergency. The problem is that when these barricade devices are installed, they can prevent or delay evacuation, and if an unauthorized person locks the door in order to commit a crime, most of these devices prevent staff or emergency responders from entering the classroom to help, even if they have a key.

Do you know how many crimes are committed in schools each year? According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES):

“In 2012, students ages 12–18 were victims of about 1,364,900 nonfatal victimizations at school, including 615,600 thefts and 749,200 violent victimizations, 89,000 of which were serious violent victimizations.”
“During the 2009–10 school year, 85 percent of public schools recorded that one or more of these incidents of violence, theft, or other crimes had taken place, amounting to an estimated 1.9 million crimes.”
“During the 2011–12 school year, 9 percent of school teachers reported being threatened with injury by a student from their school. The percentage of teachers reporting that they had been physically attacked by a student from their school in 2011–12 (5 percent) was higher than in any previous survey year (ranging from 3 to 4 percent).”

The risk of “nonfatal victimization” at school is tens of thousands of times higher than the risk of an active shooter occurrence. Do we really need to have these devices hanging next to the door so anyone has the ability to barricade the classroom? Does this increase the safety of our kids, especially considering how extremely rare active shooter events in schools really are? There are plenty of options for providing safety AND security at school, and my current mission is to make sure school districts consider the safety aspects rather than just looking for inexpensive security.

It’s so important to me that I’m able to educate people about these issues, especially those related to schools. I also work on changes to the building codes and fire codes; this process takes YEARS but it’s rewarding to make progress toward better codes that help to ensure the safety of building occupants.

Doors, locks, and codes…what’s not to love? 😀

Good Work – Part 1

Posted on May 5, 2015
by Lori

One of the things I want most for my kids is to eventually find work that they love and are passionate about. Norah is insistent that she’ll be a runner, an artist, and a stay-at-home mom with a doctor-husband, but I’m trying to convince her that she might want a back-up plan in case the doctor runs off with the nanny.

Once I commented to a friend that I love my job, and she gave me a funny look and an emphatic, “Really?!” Most people don’t know exactly what I do, and I’ve given up trying to explain it. It’s something to do with doors and locks and building codes, so I guess it’s understandable that my friend would have a hard time feeling my passion.

When we started thinking about spending an extended period of time out of the country, the first thing I did was ask for my boss’ blessing. He supported the plan right away, knowing that it would make me a happier and healthier employee. I have worked for the same company for 20 years, through several corporate reorganizations and name changes. But the brands and people have stayed constant (for the most part), and I’m probably a “lifer” at this point.

I created my current job over a period of 15 years, first learning about code requirements for doors (there are way more than you’d think!), then conducting training and answering questions, putting together a reference guide, and eventually starting a blog (www.iDigHardware.com) and writing articles. Over those years I made thousands of connections – with my coworkers, door hardware suppliers, fire marshals and building inspectors, security consultants and integrators, locksmiths, architects, contractors, facility managers…basically anyone who had a question about doors and found their way to me (thank you Google).

A few years ago, my unofficial night job of global code consultant extraordinaire surpassed my day job of specification department manager. I scheduled a meeting with HR, brought in examples of my code-related work, and asked that a new position be created where I could do this work full-time. After HR consulted with our leadership team, I had a new job! I so appreciate them making this investment, when I’m pretty sure some of them are still wondering what it is that I do, and why.

My charge is to provide education and support regarding code requirements for door openings. If you’re not one of those people listed in my connections above, you’re probably wondering, “How complicated can it be?? A door is a door!” So here’s an example. A new school is being designed by an architect, and the door hardware is specified by a door hardware consultant. That consultant decides what hinges, lock or panic hardware, door closer or automatic operator, gasketing and threshold, door stop, kick plate, etc., will go on that door. There are hundreds of products to choose from, based on function, design, durability, price, brand, access control, and other factors. And institutional doors and hardware are EXPENSIVE…one mistake could easily cost hundreds or thousands of dollars.

Add to the mix the code requirements for egress, fire protection, and accessibility. The consultant needs to choose hardware that meets all of the previously-listed requirements, but is also code-compliant. Doors serving big groups of people may require panic hardware. Fire doors need hardware that will ensure that they’re closed and latched during a fire. And the Americans With Disabilities Act mandates accessibility for all. When the consultant runs across an application they’re not sure about, they can come to me for help.

I love helping people – it sounds cliché, but it’s true. And the people that are coming to me for help don’t have a lot of options for finding their answers…if they didn’t have me as a resource they would either spend hours researching the codes or wing it and hope for the best. Their ability to easily find the right answer and raise their level of knowledge about the codes helps to ensure the safety of building occupants. Yes it’s a niche, but it’s my niche.

About a month ago, a hardware distributor sent me an email that read, “You work so very hard for our industry and for the safety of building occupants. You are saving lives every bit as much as a firefighter. The good news is we’ll probably never even know how many or which crisis was averted or how much impact you have had. Suffice it to say that I’m so proud to have you in our industry and to count you as a friend. You’re my ‘Shero.’“ The same week, I got an email from our company president that said, “FYI…really proud of the work you are doing!” And a couple of weeks ago I received a selfie from one of my readers, taken with the CEO of our company at a trade show. My reader texted, “I told him how much I appreciate you and the work you do. No joke. He was speaking with me about products and sales reps. He was very happy to hear about iDigHardware. I told him that I tell all of my customers in 42 counties from educational to manufacturing to visit and sign up for your daily email. You’re a value that has no limitations of knowledge or where to find it. 🙂”

Who wouldn’t love a job that brought that kind of validation on a regular basis? Stay tuned for Part 2…