“More Time”

Family-PhotoMy father died on April 16th – just a couple of weeks ago. He was diagnosed with cancer in February, and he did not think the disease would take him so quickly. The last time I talked to him, when he was in the VA hospital with a broken hip (because of the cancer in his bones), one of his most emotional moments was when he expressed his desperation for “more time.”

I didn’t want to upset him further so I didn’t ask, but I wondered what he would do with the time if he got his wish. It made me think a lot about the instinctive and insatiable desire of most humans for more time. How much time is enough? 70, 80, 90 years? My grandmother, who I adored, was just short of 96 when she died. She lived in her own home and seemed content, but I think the time came when the aches and pains and “senior moments” made her say, “Enough already!” She passed on some of her possessions that she knew we would treasure. Her affairs were in order. She wasn’t wishing for more time as her clock wound down.

My father was 68 when he died, so maybe sometime between 70 and 90 or more likely 80 and 90 is when most people reach the point where they feel like they’ve had enough time. Or maybe it’s never enough. The priest who spoke at my father’s wake and funeral advised both times that we consider whether we would be ready when our time came. I’m obviously not ready now…Sue Lori Dad Whale WatchI have 3 kids to finish raising and lots of good work to do. And even when my family is all grown up I’ll have responsibilities to take care of and things to look forward to – maybe travel or a good book or a nice bottle of wine or even grandkids.

I hope I never reach the point where I don’t want more time, when there’s nothing left to enjoy or the bad outweighs the good. But when my time does come I hope to be able to look back at my life with few regrets…to know that I did everything I wanted to do, that I was present (physically, mentally, AND emotionally) for the important moments, and that I squeezed all of the life out of my days. I don’t want to wish desperately for more time.

A few years ago I was talking to one of the kindergarten teachers at school, complaining that I was so busy and overscheduled that I couldn’t enjoy anything because I was always stressed about the other things that needed to be done or where I was supposed to be next. The teacher described it as “skimming the surface,” and we agreed that a lot of us are currently living in this mode – just flying through at top speed and dipping down to skim the surface and engage once in a while. I’m overwhelmed… with a job that I love but that never ends, with our crazy schedules, with the STUFF that surrounds us. It’s all too much.

My main motivation for our upcoming adventure in Mexico is the fear of regret. If we didn’t go because it was too difficult to get the house in order, or I wasn’t sure if we had enough money saved, or I didn’t get my rear in gear, I’d never forgive myself. When I look at the to-do list I wonder how it’s all going to get done considering the number of little things that are pushed from one week’s list to the next because there’s no time, but I am committed. My family needs this hiatus from the harried schedule we’ve been living with for the last 10 years. We need to stop and smell the jacarandas along the way.  🙂

¡Vamos a México!

Flex Work Agreement Some of you already know that we are preparing for an adventure, but I need to catch everyone else up so bear with me. This summer we will head south of the border, to spend a year in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Just typing those words gives me heart palpitations…partly from excitement, but also a bit of panic because there is so much left to do before we go. AAAAAHHHH!!! I just received my flexible work agreement signed by me, my boss, and HR, so it’s all systems go!

We’ve been talking about this idea since we came back from our month-long trip to SMA in the summer of 2013. I loved the city so much that I made Ben promise we’d move there when he retires (5 years before me but not for 10+ years). As I thought more about it I realized that I really want to share that experience with the kids, and now is the time.

When I first mentioned the possibility of relocating for a year, Norah was ready to start packing immediately. That’s not a surprise, as she is probably the most adventurous of the 3 kids. She will be in 4th grade in SMA and will come back to 5th grade in her current elementary school. I’m excited that she’ll be able to spend that special 5th-grade year as a BWOC (Big Woman On Campus) in the school that we’ve loved for the last 8 years.

Adlani wasn’t completely opposed to the plan, as long as he could take along his electronic devices (technology overload will likely be the topic of another post). He will be in 6th grade in Mexico, and because he is one of the youngest kids in his grade we’ve decided to have him start middle school (6th grade again) when we return. He’s not overly thrilled about that, but he’ll thank me someday.

Aliya had just started middle school when I first brought up the idea, and she was not a fan of the plan. In fact, she cried whenever I mentioned it. I explained why I thought it would be such an amazing experience, but she was insistent that she didn’t want to miss a second of middle school. I figured she’d get past that and she has…at this point she’s actually excited about going, although she will miss her friends (as we all will!). She will be in 8th grade in Mexico, and will come back and start high school.

Some of you may be wondering WTF would ever make us want to move to Mexico…they burn cars there and kidnap people! What about our house, pets, church, friends, etc.? I will write more about all of those in future posts, but I will address the safety aspect now. It’s true that certain parts of Mexico are unsafe, due mostly to the drug cartels. Last Friday there were blockades in various parts of the country in retaliation for the government’s crack-down on these criminals. We will be watching the situation closely, and if we need to change our plans, we will.

Many areas of Mexico are safe and wonderful, despite the picture painted by the media. We have friends there who will give us the real scoop and I belong to several online groups of ex-pats – we can decide over the coming months if we should reconsider. But I’m not going to let the fear of what could happen be the driving factor in my life. Bad things can happen anywhere, and while civil unrest in the ‘Ham is pretty unlikely, I’m not going to hide in my comfort zone and miss out on what the world has to offer.

I used to write on this blog almost every day, and it really helps me to look at things in a different light and work through difficulties. While I write mostly for myself, my family, and my close friends, there are others who have said they want to follow along on this journey so I will post the link on Facebook when I write a new post.

I leave you with this poem, sent to me a year ago by my friend Elizabeth…

Posted @ QUOTEZ.CO

Posted @ QUOTEZ.CO

Essaouira

I never thought I’d say this while visiting Morocco in August, but today I felt a bit chilly.  Seriously!

We left Marrakech this morning, where it was very hot and dry, and drove a few hours to Essaouira, where it is VERY windy and cool.  It is BEAUTIFUL here – we love it!  The medina is small and it’s easy to find our way around.  The area is known for woodcarving, and the wood products are very inexpensive so we couldn’t resist making a few purchases.  We visited the fort, the port, and had a great dinner at Tazos, where there was an AMAZING magician.  He did a trick where he told us to pick an imaginary card from an imaginary deck, and then he pulled the card we were thinking of out of a real deck.  Very cool.  On the way to Essaouira we also had a camel ride (and Abdou tried to force me to drink camel milk), and stopped at an argan oil cooperative.  Our riad, La Fontaine Bleue, is beautiful. 

Some photos from today…

Riding camels within city limits, led by an 8-year-old boy.  What could go wrong?

Camel 1

Camel 2

Camel 3

Camel 4

Camel 5

Camel 7

Camel 6 

Camel 8

The argan cooperative…it is SO MUCH WORK to get the nuts out, but Elizabeth is considering a career change:

Argan 1

Argan 2

Argan 3

Argan 4

Argan 5

Our first glimpse of Essaouira:

Essaouira

Essaouira 2

Our beautiful riad:

LFB 1

LFB 2

LFB 3

LFB 4

LFB 5

LFB 6

LFB 7

LFB 8

LFB 9

LFB 10

LFB 11

LFB 12

LFB 13

Shopping!

Shopping 1

Shopping 2

Shopping 3

The fort…

Fort 1

Fort 2

The port…

Port 1 Port 2

Port 3

Port 4

Port 5

And the magician from dinner, Youssef.  At one point he made a bottle of wine appear.  We’ve spent the last two weeks hunting for wine and he pulled it out of thin air.  My hero.

Mag 1

Mag 2

Mag 3

Mag 4

Mag 5

We’re headed back to Mohammedia tomorrow!

Marrakech Express – Not.

Over the weekend I planned the last outing of our trip to Morocco – a night in Marrakech, a night in Essaouira, and a few other stops along the way for Elizabeth, the 3 amigas, and me.  The first thing I arranged was the transportation – an SUV driven by Dani’s boss (Nourredine).  I then booked the non-refundable riad accommodations, and arranged for a guide to take us shopping in the Marrakech medina.  I was excited about this last leg of the trip and feeling pretty accomplished, but I forgot to consider the Morocco factor.

This morning, Nourredine was supposed to pick us up in the SUV at 9.  We were packed, fed, clothed and ready to go.  At 9:30, Dani showed up with the mini-bus.  He told us that Nourredine couldn’t drive us because someone had died, and that his brother-in-law Abdou was driving us instead.  I was counting on Nourredine because he speaks English and it was our first foray without an Arabic-speaker, but Dani told us that Abdou speaks “shweeya” (a little) English so I figured we could make it work.

The next issue was that the touristic license had expired and Abdou was in Casablanca at that moment, trying to get it renewed.  So Dani had come to drive us to Casablanca to meet up with Abdou, the SUV, and the renewed license (insha’Allah).  Ben rode with us to make sure everything went smoothly, and Norah came along for the ride.  Dani was returning to Mohammedia after he handed us off to Abdou, so Ben and Norah would catch a ride back with him.

We drove to Casablanca in the mini-bus and pulled over into a shady spot that appeared to be a driving lane based on the cars honking and swerving around us.  We waited there and called Abdou several times to see what was happening at the licensure office.  The office opened at 9 and it was now 10:30, but the man with the rubber stamp had not yet arrived.  After a while, Ben called Nourredine and Nourredine decided that Dani should drive us to Marrakech in the mini-bus.  The main problem with that is that we had Ben and Norah, who were not prepared to go to Marrakech.  Ben considered buying new clothes in Marrakech, but we had left Adlani at home.  It probably would have taken a while for Adlani to notice that Ben and Norah were missing, but I didn’t think we should leave him home unexpectedly for 3 days.  We also thought about going home to get clean clothes for Dani, since he too was unprepared for a 3-day trip since he had set out on a 45-minute drive from Mohammedia to Casablanca.

We decided to send Norah and Ben home to Mohammedia on the train, and we headed for the train station.  Somehow on the way Ben decided that we (Elizabeth, the 3 amigas, and I) should take the train to Marrakech, and that Abdou would meet us in Marrakech with the SUV tomorrow.  We piled out of the mini-bus in front of the train station, with me wondering how we were going to get from the train station to the riad, where and when we would meet the SUV tomorrow, etc.  At that moment we got the call that the guy with the stamp had arrived and we were in business.  Back in the mini-bus and across town to meet Abdou.

Once we were finally on our way, it took about 3 hours to drive to Marrakech.  Abdou’s shweeya English and my shweeya Arabic resulted in some interesting conversations along the way.  He told me about his family, pointed out the different crops we passed, tried to tell me about some of the notable towns, and where some of the rivers went.  The vast majority of my 100ish Arabic words are nouns, so the balance of the discussion covered the list of Moroccan foods that I know how to cook, and me teaching Abdou the English word for each type of farm animal we passed.  My favorite exchange was when we stopped at a rest area and asked if it was ok to leave my camera on the front seat floor.  Abdou said, “Safe!  No Ali Baba here!”  That’s a relief.

Our first order of business in Marrakech was to find the store that sells wine (“white tea”).  Abdou couldn’t find it so that mission was aborted with no discussion about whether aborting was an option.  He stopped several times to ask directions to the riad and I did a decent job of directing him with my map and my recollection of the route.  He dropped us at Dar el Besha and we knew exactly how to walk to the riad.  This is not as easy as it sounds – there are no street names, the streets are tiny, and scooters are constantly whizzing by.  My mental list of directions within the medinas has included “turn right at the bees swarming around the candy,” “go past the fake Louis Vuitton,” and “turn right just after the hedgehog.”

We were probably a little overconfident during our walk to the riad because we’re staying at the same one from last week, so poor Elizabeth was lagging at the end of the line by herself.  A teenager started trying to talk to us in French, and I told him we didn’t speak French (in French) and kept walking.  Boys are constantly trying to talk to someone in our group but for the most part they’re harmless.  We were almost to the riad when I looked back and saw Elizabeth slap the boy, who had grabbed her butt.  Idiot.

Our rooms at the beautiful Riad Dar Sara (which I highly recommend, especially because Ben left his iphone there last week and it was waiting for us when we arrived):

Another Abdou (the same one from our Marrakech tour last week) arrived to take us out shopping, and he did a great job of finding what we were looking for in the medina.  By chance he walked us through the metalworkers’ souk, and I saw amazingly beautiful handmade locks.  I bought one, mostly for the chance to talk to the craftsman and take lots of photos (they are here on my work blog).  He also makes handcuffs in case any of you are interested.

Look how happy he was when he put the cuffs on Aliya…

Jewelry shopping with Abdou (we were so happy to have his help!):

The same store sold antique locks!

We did one lap around Djemaa el Fna where Elizabeth got some exposure therapy for her snake phobia, and Abdou led us to a good restaurant for dinner.  I had asked Abdou about where to get white tea, and he decided we should take a caleche (horse and carriage) to the supermarket, so off we went.  As we should expect by now, when we arrived at the supermarket, “La Cave” (where they sell alcohol) was closed.  I may have actually cried a little.

This was on the way to the supermarket before we experience the agony of defeat (again):

The caleche dropped us off near the riad, and Abdou walked us to the door so Elizabeth didn’t get groped again.  It cracked me up that when the girls heard what happened, they decided they should walk behind and in front of Elizabeth because they took a self-defense class.  I love seeing them so confident and self-sufficient.

Tomorrow we head for Essaouira!