Taking Up Space – Part 2

Posted on May 12, 2015
by Lori

Preparing for a move has been very motivational, especially when it comes to purging the stuff in our house so that someone else can live here. All of the skeletons have to go, the secret hiding places won’t be secret any more. That reminds me of one time when I showed my friend Karen a room in my house filled with storage and I called it my “dirty little secret.” Her daughter, who was probably around 7, went home and told her father that I have a dirty little secret. Maybe that’s how my reputation got started. 🙂

Out of necessity, my rule these days is that everything in our home has to have a place to live. We’re not quite there yet, but we’re headed in the right direction. The kids are constantly trying to bring something else home and I always ask them, “Where is it going to live?” In the next 2 months I will have to stay tough on this, or our house will never be in shape for our departure.

One of the difficulties I encountered during last week’s sorting and purging was the vast amount of gifts that we’ve received over the years; there was an emotional attachment that went beyond the rest of the stuff. Many of these gifts have been used and enjoyed and made it through the purge, but there were others that really got me thinking about the whole idea of giving and receiving.

At the bottom of the bin of VCR tapes, I found a boxed set of PeeWee’s Playhouse – the entire series. I remember my father asking what I wanted for Christmas that year, and that’s what I put on my list. I REALLY loved that show (“LET’S SEE HOW BIG MY FOIL BALL IS TODAY!”), and I was excited to receive the gift. But the majority of the VCR tapes were still wrapped in plastic – never watched. For over 20 years, that boxed set has been taking up space in my house. It probably cost a hundred bucks “back in the day.” It was a possession that I owned, but didn’t use and enjoy, and now PeeWee has left the building. Maybe he is at someone else’s house now, or maybe nobody at the school yard sale was a fan.

I hate to waste anything – food, time, effort, water, paper, money. But when Christmas rolled around, the old me would buy my kids lots of stuff, because that’s what makes them happy. But then some of the stuff has nowhere to live and becomes a liability, a responsibility. I could spend my entire life picking up stuff and moving it back to where it belongs. I own some things that bring me joy, but I usually can’t see them because of the other stuff.

I recently received an invitation to my 1YO nephew’s birthday, and it requested that we bring no gifts, saying something like, “our lives are full enough.” My grandmother used to say, “If I can’t eat it, read it, or wear it, I don’t want it.” Bravo (although I would add “drink it” to the list)! I respect these positions. Although I appreciate all of the gifts we’ve received, nobody in my family needs anything. We’re hard-pressed to even think of something we want. For anyone planning to give us a gift from here on out, I would love to receive the gift of your presence – to spend time with you, go on an outing, or have a meal together. And if I don’t send you a gift for every holiday, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. We all have enough.

For Christmas 2015, or should I say – Navidad, we will have friends visiting us in Mexico. There will be gifts, but very few – likely names drawn from a hat and some stocking stuffers. Will the kids be disappointed? Will they think it’s the worse Christmas ever? I don’t think so. I hope not. I’ll let you know.

Taking Up Space – Part 1

Posted on May 11, 2015
by Lori

Last Saturday was a biannual event that I look forward to with great anticipation…the elementary school yard sale. The week-long period for dropping off stuff to be sorted, priced, and sold by someone else is major motivation for me to clean closets and open bins that have been stored for years. Usually I’m one of the first to jump in and volunteer to help with any task, but my ability to work on the yard sale is mostly limited to supplying the goods. The sight of all that *STUFF* makes me nauseous.

When this stuff came out of the garage, I didn’t recognize most of it!

The same thing happens when I go into one of the kids’ bedrooms and they have stuff covering every flat surface including the floor. When they want “snuggle-time” and their room is like that, I just can’t do it. I think they’ve figured that out because Norah (the most frequent snuggle-time requestor) keeps her room really neat. She even makes the bed every day! When my own bedroom has stuff all over it, I don’t want to sleep there. And I avoid the basement and garage because of all the stuff stored there. The stuff is suffocating me.

I took 7 car-loads to the yard sale last week. I have been doing this for YEARS, but this time I was able to dig down to the next layer. There were 2 bins of CDs and a bin of VCR tapes that I sorted and delivered, plus 2 bins of DVD cases that need to be recycled. There were at least 3 giant trash bags of clothes that don’t fit anyone in our household and never will (we store Aliya’s for Norah). There’s another giant bag headed to Morocco. I purged several boxes of books and we still have 3 floor-to-ceiling bookshelves full. Housewares, toys, a couple of small pieces of furniture – out it all went.

Norah was concerned about reusing wine boxes for yard sale drop-off.

But there’s still more. A lot more. As I sorted, I kept thinking about the depressingly huge amount of money all of this stuff represents…tens of thousands of dollars. Before I became rabidly stuff-averse, I was an easy target of any type of marketing. Once I saw Julia Roberts on Oprah talking about how she was addicted to a handheld Yahtzee game and I scoured the stores until I found one. I was a “collector”…if one Reba McEntire CD was nice, owning her entire collection would be even better. I saw a lot of soundtracks in the CD bin, and I remember going to see the movie Cocktail with my friend Sherry and then driving directly to the record store. I also had a huge collection of games – we actually used to play them a lot back in the 80’s, but many of them had not been used since then.

The collection of stuff got worse when I had kids, because I would look at the lists on BabyCenter.com or in whatever article I was currently reading, and feel like my baby needed all of those things – plus the baby stuff is so cute it’s hard to resist! I had several slings, every type of baby seat, the entire Baby Einstiein DVD collection, and so many clothes that I could have dressed my baby in a different outfit every day. The baby stuff left my house long ago, but so did the money spent on stuff that was rarely or never used.

Ben is not as list-motivated or as vulnerable to marketing as I am, but he doesn’t like to get rid of stuff. In Morocco, there are a lot of things that are still not as available as they are here, and 40-50 years ago he had even less access to stuff. If someone in the posse had a soccer ball it was a big deal, and they played with it until it could no longer hold air. We probably have 15 soccer balls somewhere in this house. If I try to get rid of one, Ben sees it as an item with value and wants to hold onto it. The same goes for clothes…“someone in Morocco could use that.” He has all of his old college textbooks because they were a big investment. We were a lethal combination of 1 who buys (or USED TO buy) and 1 who can’t let go.

Stay tuned for Taking Up Space – Part 2…Gifts.

Happy Mothers Day!

Posted on May 10, 2015
by Lori

I don’t know what I expected motherhood to be like, but I am positive that my current reality isn’t what I had in mind. With regard to “the big stuff,” I’ve got everything to be thankful for. The kids are healthy and happy. They are kind and compassionate, smart, and fun to be around. They are past the stage of eating bugs off the ground and bonking their heads on the coffee table, and for that I’m grateful.

They started asking me about a week ago what I wanted for Mothers Day. I did pick out 3 pieces of jewelry so that each kid would have something to give me (I’m so thoughtful), but what I really want for Mothers Day has more to do with “the small stuff.” I know we’re not supposed to sweat the small stuff, but the small stuff is what’s making me insane.

My Mothers Day Wish List:

I would like to spend all of my bathroom time without anyone trying to speak to me through the door, screaming my name from elsewhere in the house, or texting me.
I would like the giant laundry mountain in the basement to disappear, even if it reappears as a clean-laundry mountain on the couch.
I would like the orange silly putty removed from under the back seat of my car, along with all of the other disgusting detritus.
I would like everyone to do their daily chores, clean up their bedrooms, and pick up the random socks and art-in-progress they’ve left all over the house, without being asked 25 times.
I would like all family members to take a day off from bickering and intentionally trying to annoy each other (this may require sequestering themselves).
I would like all kitchen cabinet doors and drawers to be left in the closed position when not in use (I can see from my chair that Norah just left the pantry door open).
I would like someone else to procure the dog’s stool sample that I need to drop off at the vet tomorrow.
I would like to take a nap on the couch without waking up to whining, a video game battle, or the sounds of rejoicing due to stool-sample success.
I would like each child to write me a note about how much they love me, so I can pull those notes out and read them each time I’m counting to 10 to avoid physical violence.
I would like someone to cook me a nice dinner and serve it to me with a glass (or bottle) of wine on the couch while I watch a Househunters International marathon.

Is that so much to ask?

Just in time for Mothers Day, we had a photo shoot with our favorite first grade teacher / soon-to-be full-time photographer – Nicole Schwalm. We decided to meet at the school playground, since the kids have so many happy memories of falling off the monkey bars and getting wood chips in their shoes there. I’m not always the best at follow-through, but I have had the kids’ photos taken at least once a year. 2015 – check!

Happy Mothers Day to everyone who has ever done any mothering! And thank you to my village!

Essaouira

Posted on August 12, 2014
by Lori

I never thought I’d say this while visiting Morocco in August, but today I felt a bit chilly. Seriously!

We left Marrakech this morning, where it was very hot and dry, and drove a few hours to Essaouira, where it is VERY windy and cool. It is BEAUTIFUL here – we love it! The medina is small and it’s easy to find our way around. The area is known for woodcarving, and the wood products are very inexpensive so we couldn’t resist making a few purchases. We visited the fort, the port, and had a great dinner at Tazos, where there was an AMAZING magician. He did a trick where he told us to pick an imaginary card from an imaginary deck, and then he pulled the card we were thinking of out of a real deck. Very cool. On the way to Essaouira we also had a camel ride (and Abdou tried to force me to drink camel milk), and stopped at an argan oil cooperative. Our riad, La Fontaine Bleue, is beautiful.

Some photos from today…

Riding camels within city limits, led by an 8-year-old boy. What could go wrong?

The argan cooperative…it is SO MUCH WORK to get the nuts out, but Elizabeth is considering a career change:

Our first glimpse of Essaouira:

Our beautiful riad:

Shopping!

The fort…

The port…

And the magician from dinner, Youssef. At one point he made a bottle of wine appear. We’ve spent the last two weeks hunting for wine and he pulled it out of thin air. My hero.

We’re headed back to Mohammedia tomorrow!

Marrakech Express – Not.

Posted on August 11, 2014
by Lori

Over the weekend I planned the last outing of our trip to Morocco – a night in Marrakech, a night in Essaouira, and a few other stops along the way for Elizabeth, the 3 amigas, and me. The first thing I arranged was the transportation – an SUV driven by Dani’s boss (Nourredine). I then booked the non-refundable riad accommodations, and arranged for a guide to take us shopping in the Marrakech medina. I was excited about this last leg of the trip and feeling pretty accomplished, but I forgot to consider the Morocco factor.

This morning, Nourredine was supposed to pick us up in the SUV at 9. We were packed, fed, clothed and ready to go. At 9:30, Dani showed up with the mini-bus. He told us that Nourredine couldn’t drive us because someone had died, and that his brother-in-law Abdou was driving us instead. I was counting on Nourredine because he speaks English and it was our first foray without an Arabic-speaker, but Dani told us that Abdou speaks “shweeya” (a little) English so I figured we could make it work.

The next issue was that the touristic license had expired and Abdou was in Casablanca at that moment, trying to get it renewed. So Dani had come to drive us to Casablanca to meet up with Abdou, the SUV, and the renewed license (insha’Allah). Ben rode with us to make sure everything went smoothly, and Norah came along for the ride. Dani was returning to Mohammedia after he handed us off to Abdou, so Ben and Norah would catch a ride back with him.

We drove to Casablanca in the mini-bus and pulled over into a shady spot that appeared to be a driving lane based on the cars honking and swerving around us. We waited there and called Abdou several times to see what was happening at the licensure office. The office opened at 9 and it was now 10:30, but the man with the rubber stamp had not yet arrived. After a while, Ben called Nourredine and Nourredine decided that Dani should drive us to Marrakech in the mini-bus. The main problem with that is that we had Ben and Norah, who were not prepared to go to Marrakech. Ben considered buying new clothes in Marrakech, but we had left Adlani at home. It probably would have taken a while for Adlani to notice that Ben and Norah were missing, but I didn’t think we should leave him home unexpectedly for 3 days. We also thought about going home to get clean clothes for Dani, since he too was unprepared for a 3-day trip since he had set out on a 45-minute drive from Mohammedia to Casablanca.

We decided to send Norah and Ben home to Mohammedia on the train, and we headed for the train station. Somehow on the way Ben decided that we (Elizabeth, the 3 amigas, and I) should take the train to Marrakech, and that Abdou would meet us in Marrakech with the SUV tomorrow. We piled out of the mini-bus in front of the train station, with me wondering how we were going to get from the train station to the riad, where and when we would meet the SUV tomorrow, etc. At that moment we got the call that the guy with the stamp had arrived and we were in business. Back in the mini-bus and across town to meet Abdou.

Once we were finally on our way, it took about 3 hours to drive to Marrakech. Abdou’s shweeya English and my shweeya Arabic resulted in some interesting conversations along the way. He told me about his family, pointed out the different crops we passed, tried to tell me about some of the notable towns, and where some of the rivers went. The vast majority of my 100ish Arabic words are nouns, so the balance of the discussion covered the list of Moroccan foods that I know how to cook, and me teaching Abdou the English word for each type of farm animal we passed. My favorite exchange was when we stopped at a rest area and asked if it was ok to leave my camera on the front seat floor. Abdou said, “Safe! No Ali Baba here!” That’s a relief.

Our first order of business in Marrakech was to find the store that sells wine (“white tea”). Abdou couldn’t find it so that mission was aborted with no discussion about whether aborting was an option. He stopped several times to ask directions to the riad and I did a decent job of directing him with my map and my recollection of the route. He dropped us at Dar el Besha and we knew exactly how to walk to the riad. This is not as easy as it sounds – there are no street names, the streets are tiny, and scooters are constantly whizzing by. My mental list of directions within the medinas has included “turn right at the bees swarming around the candy,” “go past the fake Louis Vuitton,” and “turn right just after the hedgehog.”

We were probably a little overconfident during our walk to the riad because we’re staying at the same one from last week, so poor Elizabeth was lagging at the end of the line by herself. A teenager started trying to talk to us in French, and I told him we didn’t speak French (in French) and kept walking. Boys are constantly trying to talk to someone in our group but for the most part they’re harmless. We were almost to the riad when I looked back and saw Elizabeth slap the boy, who had grabbed her butt. Idiot.

Our rooms at the beautiful Riad Dar Sara (which I highly recommend, especially because Ben left his iphone there last week and it was waiting for us when we arrived):

Another Abdou (the same one from our Marrakech tour last week) arrived to take us out shopping, and he did a great job of finding what we were looking for in the medina. By chance he walked us through the metalworkers’ souk, and I saw amazingly beautiful handmade locks. I bought one, mostly for the chance to talk to the craftsman and take lots of photos (they are here on my work blog). He also makes handcuffs in case any of you are interested.

Look how happy he was when he put the cuffs on Aliya…

Jewelry shopping with Abdou (we were so happy to have his help!):

The same store sold antique locks!

We did one lap around Djemaa el Fna where Elizabeth got some exposure therapy for her snake phobia, and Abdou led us to a good restaurant for dinner. I had asked Abdou about where to get white tea, and he decided we should take a caleche (horse and carriage) to the supermarket, so off we went. As we should expect by now, when we arrived at the supermarket, “La Cave” (where they sell alcohol) was closed. I may have actually cried a little.

This was on the way to the supermarket before we experience the agony of defeat (again):

The caleche dropped us off near the riad, and Abdou walked us to the door so Elizabeth didn’t get groped again. It cracked me up that when the girls heard what happened, they decided they should walk behind and in front of Elizabeth because they took a self-defense class. I love seeing them so confident and self-sufficient.

Tomorrow we head for Essaouira!