Family Resemblance

This photo of me at the age of 7 arrived in the mail today from my stepmother, Susie (Jeff’s mother if you’re keeping score). It’s pretty amazing how much the kids resemble me, since I’m a mongrel and Ben is 100% purebred Moroccan. I think Aliya wins the look-alike prize, but Adlani also looks A LOT like me and people say that Norah looks like me too. Poor kids. I guess it could be worse for them. When Aliya was a baby, a complete stranger looked at her and said, “Well thank God she didn’t get Daddy’s nose!”
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I Need a Little Something to Take the Edge Off

When I was a kid, and even as a pre-motherhood adult, I always wondered why my mother spent my childhood in a rage. I guess she wasn’t always in a rage but she yelled a lot. Mothers always say, “When you have kids, you’ll understand!” (usually at the top of their lungs with their eyes bulging out of their heads), and it’s absolutely true. Now that I have to get 3 kids out of the house every morning, with all of the required clothing and school supplies, I DO understand.

The thing that’s driving me insane is the fact that I have to repeat myself so many times to make anything happen. I know what you’re thinking…if I followed through on my threats the kids would learn that I mean business. Here’s the thing. I DO follow through, and I know that many of you have been witnesses to me following through. It’s not easy to take away trick-or-treating privileges when all of the other kids are on their way out the door with their bags, but sometimes it has to be done.

To improve the morning routine, I have tried threats and punishments, praise and rewards, bribery, going to bed early, getting up early, giving the kids responsibility, making it a team effort…you name it. I lay out clothes, backpacks, and outerwear, and prepare lunch and snacks the night before. Which is why it makes me insane that I find myself yelling every morning. One morning I counted how many times I had to say, “Put on your shoes/socks/underwear/pants/shirt,” in order to get all 3 kids dressed. 34 TIMES!!! And that didn’t include outerwear!

This morning I heard myself yell, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN?! YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO MAKE ME INSANE SO I END UP IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION, AND THEN YOU WON’T HAVE A MOTHER!!” I’m pretty sure I heard that one from Mom in 1976. Thanks Mom.
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Ouch!

Over the weekend I kept having chest pains but since I didn’t die I figured they weren’t indicative of a heart attack. This morning I went to see Dr. Bob (my chiropractor) and I had SEVERAL SUBLUXATED RIBS! What’s up with that?! I’m feeling so old!

At Dr. Bob’s office I met an 85-year-old lady named Shirley. She told me all about the assisted living complex where she lives. She said the only bad thing was that her friends and neighbors keep dying – 8 people in just over a year. Isn’t that sad?

Update: According to Dr. Bob, it’s very likely that Ben caused my subluxated ribs when he inexplicably LIFTED ME off the ground. That’s ironic, because he’s the one who spent the weekend complaining that I was unable to perform my wifely duties in the matter to which he has become accustomed.
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6th Grade

This photo was posted today a 6th grade classmate’s Facebook page. I’m the skinny one in the middle of the back row with the light-colored shirt. It’s so surreal to look at these kids and wonder where they are now. I skipped my senior year of high school so I’ve never felt very connected with my high school class and I haven’t gone to any reunions so I have no idea what happened to most of these people. I give my old friend and neighbor Lisa Missbrenner (in front of me to my left) kudos for finding me and hooking me up with a few of my other old pals. If you’re not on Facebook and have lots of time to blow by looking at friends of friends to see if you know them, get on it!
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