It really bugs me when people go around cheerily exclaiming “TGIF!” Really, you’re THAT happy that it’s Friday? My mantra on Fridays is OFIF – “Oh f*ck, it’s Friday.” Next time I hear, “TGIF!”, I think I’ll respond with a cheery “OFIF!” of my own.
I used to love Fridays. I may have even said TGIF myself a few times back in the day. There are probably people out there who still hate me for it. In my late teens, Fridays meant cruising Main Street, going parking, and getting some 18YO seniors to buy us Boone’s Farm (sorry Mom). In my 20’s, Friday nights were for going out in search of fun and romance. Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays were for the same purpose, but on Fridays we knew we could sleep until 2 pm the next day (remember those days, Sherry?). In my 30’s, Fridays meant that I had a couple of days to catch up, with no new emails or to-do list items being added to the pile. I could start Monday fresh as a daisy. I think the last time I was fresh as a daisy was in early 2001.
Up until sometime last year, Friday night was “my night.” After a long hard week (meaning, every week), Ben would and the kids would pile into our king-sized bed to watch a movie, and end up falling asleep. I would clean up the house, drink wine alone on the couch, and sleep in the guest room. Ahhh…the good old days.
So how did I get from TGIF to OFIF? Well, I’ve lost my taste for Boone’s Farm, if I get caught cruising Main Street in my company ride after a few wine coolers I could end up car-less, searching for fun and romance has lost its luster now that I’m old and married, and nobody can agree on a movie so the movie night tradition has been abandoned. It would take so long to clean the house that I would pass out before I got the wine uncorked, and to top it all off, there’s one thing that I HATE the most about Fridays…finding the f-ing soccer uniforms.
Some of you are reading this and thinking, “What’s so hard about finding soccer uniforms?” I hate you. Ok – I don’t hate you…just your ability to keep your house and your family’s belongings clean and organized. I try, I swear – I try so hard. But the soccer uniforms consist of 6 socks, 6 shin guards (some of those f*ckers are two pieces!), 6 cleats, 3 pairs of shorts, 3 shirts, 3 water bottles, and a ball. 28 pieces! We also need 2 chairs, a blanket, snacks, jackets, coffee, sunscreen, bug spray, and sometimes umbrellas. And – directions to Aliya’s away games. And – sometimes the oranges for the team half-time snack. And my camera, with a charged battery and an empty SD card.
Then there’s the little problem of scheduling. We now have 3 kids in 3 different age groups for the first time. Tomorrow, Norah has practice and a game from 9-10:30. Aliya and Adlani both have games at 10:30 and need to be at two different fields by 10:10. Thank God we finagled Norah’s way onto a team with several friends who can help us out. We have game conflicts every single week.
Tonight we spent at least 40 minutes looking for the 28 pieces, and we are still missing a pair of socks. It would be one thing if I wasn’t a planner, but I am. Last week I sent Ben to the sports store with a written list – a #3 ball for Norah (he came home with a #4 and a #5), 2 pairs of cleats (Norah didn’t have any and Aliya’s were so disgustingly smelly that the skunk moved out from under our porch), and AN EXTRA PAIR OF NAVY BLUE (VERY DARK BLUE) SOCKS FOR EACH KID. Ben got an extra pair for Aliya only – the kid least likely to lose her friggin socks. He is to blame for my despair. OFIF!
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In other news, Norah started kindergarten this week and LOVES it. Her biggest concern on Day 1 was that Ben didn’t know how to get to the school or would forget to pick her up.
And to make my life complete, Adlani said to me this morning, “Mom, how come you never have any time for us?” HUH? EXCUSE ME?! Adlani: “Why does Dad always pick us up from the bus?” Me (in my mind only): “Well Adlani, that’s because I live through the Morning Hell, and Daddy tries to survive the Afternoon Hell. If one of us tried to manage both, we’d surely burst a blood vessel and expire.” And for you – yeah you right there – the one who’s judging me right now – I hate you. No seriously, I really do.