Aside from an unexpected professional house-cleaning which I am still rejoicing over, the other stand-out event of last week was a trip to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned. Normally, I wouldn’t expect a teeth-cleaning to be very exciting, but I spent almost 3 hours in the chair followed by a separate appointment with the oral surgeon a couple of days later.
One of my crowns had fallen off a couple of days before the cleaning, and luckily I recovered it right away rather than losing it down the chute. I had the crown with me at the dentist, but the hygienist had to clean the exposed tooth before re-cementing it. She needed to give me Novocain before the cleaning, so she gave me 2 shots and then as she prepared to give me a 3rd, she suddenly exclaimed, “Oh my God! It’s huge back here!! Are you in pain???” and on and on. She felt around for a few minutes and peered in several times, and then decided that she didn’t dare give me another shot because she didn’t want to stick the needle in the “problem area.”
The hygienist’s reaction made it very obvious that she thought there was something wrong with me, and that it was serious. I literally trembled through the whole cleaning. When the hygienist left the room I started Googling for possibilities, and none of them were good. When my dentist (who I have known and loved for many years) came in after the cleaning, she was white as a ghost and had a very fearful expression. I told her that she should never play Poker…it was obvious that she was worried. She said, “You know why I’m concerned, right?”
Well, I had no idea other than the Google results, but she started talking about oral cancer. ORAL CANCER?? What are the chances? I’ve smoked 17 cigarettes in my life (I remember this because I bought 1 pack at the age of 16ish, and I managed to smoke all but 3 of them before the pack was discovered in my secret hiding place – a can of tennis balls with the pack on the bottom). I’m not a big drinker, and I even tested negative for HPV. I guess anything’s possible, but when I obsess about what I’m going to die from, oral cancer isn’t in the Top 20.
The dentist FINALLY looked into my mouth and within 2 seconds she said, “Oh. That’s not what that is.” O-M-G. W-T-F? Couldn’t we have squared this away before the cleaning??
What the hygienist saw was bruising and swelling caused when the missing crown allowed my cheek tissue to expand into the void, and then I bit it a few times. I’m sure it looked scary when she saw it, but she should have either a) kept it to herself rather than exclaiming about it, or b) brought the dentist in right away rather than making me fear the worst through the whole cleaning. I still love my dentist and hygienist, but I think a change in procedure is in order.
I had to go see the oral surgeon because it’s their protocol in that situation, and at that point he couldn’t even see what had been visible two days before. He said my cheek was “within normal limits,” so I guess I can go back to obsessing about the other possibilities for my demise.