All posts by ihatehardware.

Here’s a Cute One…

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one.”

That reminds me of a conversation I had with Adlani’s friend’s mom, a 5th grade health teacher. She was telling me about the questions her students have asked her (which, by the way, reaffirmed my opinion that we should never see the health teacher on the list of budget cuts again). During the segment on menstruation, one of the boys asked, “Are you sure it’s blood that comes out?” When the teacher assured him that it is indeed blood, he asked, “Are you sure it’s not blue juice?” Think about it…every commercial for sanitary napkins and tampons shows blue juice. Why is that? Something to think about.
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Attack with a Deadly…Sausage??

I was headed for bed when I decided to check my favorite news site before turning in, and it’s a good thing I did or I might have missed this amazing story from the Daily Telegram:

Weirdest Burglary Ever?
September 07, 2008 12:00am

A BURGLAR who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out the house, Fresno County sheriff’s deputies said Saturday.

Lieutenant Ian Burrimond of Fresno County, California, described the crime as one of the strangest he had ever heard of.

He said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

“It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID,” Burrimond said.

Arrested was Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno.

Burrimond said deputies were dispatched to the victims’ home in the 300 block of South Thompson Avenue near Kings Canyon Road shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress.

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of the them and striking the other with a sausage.

Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims’ kitchen.

After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said.

Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

“That’s right, the dog ate the weapon,” Burrimond said.

“I tell you, this was one weird case.”

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24307571-5001021,00.html
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Karaoke!

When I was growing up I had high aspirations of being a back-up singer. I liked singing and I thought I sounded ok (like every teenage girl singing into her hairbrush), but I was waaaaayyyyyy too shy to be in the spotlight. Well, somewhere along the line I accidentally became a hardware consultant, but I still sing along with the iPod at full volume. A few weeks ago Aliya asked me if I was too old to be on American Idol. Alas, until I can audition for the Senior Citizen version, I had to find a way to occupy myself. I know some of you won’t believe this, but last night I sang karaoke for the first time in my life. Luckily I had Mercedes and Jasmine (Pam and Jenny) as distractions so I didn’t faint. What made me decide to lose my karaoke virginity was the realization that most people singing karaoke are terrible, and most of the spectators are tone-deaf. We were wishing we were completely deaf during some of the performances.

Here’s Lana’s reaction to a singer so bad that the karaoke host was “helping” by singing along. He wasn’t helpful enough. During this performance I heard Gia say, “Well, she’s no Lori Greene, I know that!” 🙂

And here’s Lana cheering on Jasmine and Lacy’s rendition of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “I Feel Lucky” (dramatization).

I wonder how many karaoke nights it will take until I’m shopping at BJ’s and a fellow shopper gives “Lacy” a High-5.
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Lobsterfest

We enjoyed one of the last days in the ce-ment pond last weekend. It was a feast of burgers, dogs, sausages, fresh tuna steaks, and just when we were all stuffed, the lobsters arrived. Maren taught the girls how to hypnotize the lobsters for a less traumatic steaming experience. When one of the girls asked if she could give it a try, Maren said, “You can try, but I don’t know if you have *the power*…” So funny.

Lana and Larry…thank you again for all your hospitality. You ROCK!!!







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