This is a very heavily edited version of the first few minutes of the entertainment at Gayle’s birthday party. I knew that Charlie Brown video editing experience would come in handy someday.
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All posts by ihatehardware.
Camel Cigarettes
We have a Camel dart board at camp, courtesy of Brady’s former job as a Camel rep. Aliya said to me the other day, “I know why a camel is used to advertise cigarettes! Because camels have brown teeth and so do people who smoke!”
No offense smokers, but I’m hoping that the fear of camel teeth will keep her from becoming a smoker someday.
Crowded Pool – Gross!
I ran across this article about how crowded the pools are in China because of the heat wave there. I don’t care how hot it is, there’s no way I would get into this pool or let my kids get in. Maybe I just need more personal space than the average Asian, but this looks downright dangerous. Thank God Lana & Larry’s ce-ment pond isn’t this crowded.
“Someone’s Parked Illegally!”
I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. Seriously. Tonight I went to Gayle’s 40th birthday party, which was held at Lana’s house. The food was good, the drinks were good, we were having a grand old time…until the um…police officer showed up. When he saw what a good time we were having, the police officer decided to stay for a while and um…entertain us. He was very entertaining. Most of the photos are not fit to publish here, but here are a few reaction shots:
After the festivities, the inquiring minds took the officer into the living room for an exit interview.
Name: PJ
Age: 41!!!
Body Fat: 11%
Frequency of Gigs: 2-3 per week
Gay: No
Girlfriend: No
Day Job: Various (including door & window installer!!)
Wax, Shaving, Laser, or Nair: All of the above
Childhood: Grew up in Mexico City because his father was CEO of the Latin American branch of an American company (he spoke Spanish to prove it)
Education: Phillips Andover Academy, Tulane University (mechanical engineering)
Percent Chance of Hook-Up After a Gig: .001%
Oldest Strip-O-Gram Recipient: 101 years old!
Lana didn’t believe his story but Pam and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I honestly believe he was telling the truth. When we asked him how he started in the entertainment business, he said that his father died during his last year of high school, and his mom had breast cancer which metastasized to her brain. She was paralyzed for the last 4 years of her life and he started entertaining to earn extra income in addition to his day job. Sad.
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Chimney Sweep
This morning I knew nothing about chimneys except that I have one, it’s made of brick, and Santa squeezes down it annually. Now I know way more than I ever wanted to know. I wish I could go back to chimney-ignorance.
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We’ve lived in our house for 10 years and we’ve never done anything to our chimney. Every so often I look out the window of the 3rd floor and see our neighbor’s chimney cap, reminding me that we should get one before some homeless animal climbs in.
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Last week a telemarketer called to see if I needed my chimney cleaned. She was the worst telemarketer ever, reading from a script with no enthusiasm for what she was selling, but she said that chimneys should be cleaned once a year and I felt like maybe it was an omen. I didn’t want to look back with regret that I didn’t have the chimney cleaned and then something bad happened. I still haven’t decided what’s worse…a telemarketer who won’t give up, or one who has given up before I answer the phone, but I took her up on her offer.
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So two guys showed up today. They were very nice, and were driving a truck with the company name painted on the side. But within 15 minutes of their arrival they were already talking about how we need a chimney liner because we have no flue in the upper part of the chimney. He had quite the pitch going, and said that it would cost me $3,000 elsewhere but he would do it for $1,750 if I paid cash and gave him the go-ahead right then. I put the brakes on and told him I’d call him later.
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Meanwhile I called a bunch of other chimney companies and surprisingly, most of them were willing to chat about prices over the phone, as well as the tactics used by this type of company. I have no doubt that we need the liner, and his price was good. But I didn’t like being pressured, and when I tried to find out more about the company online, I couldn’t really find anything. I left a message for the guy, to say that I was researching his company and needed references. I also called the main number for his company and left a message.
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Surprise, surprise…I haven’t heard back from him or from anyone at the main number. So if you know a good chimney sweep, let me know. I’m in the market for a 40′ liner.
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