Last week I had to take Adlani to the dermatologist because of the reoccuring rash on his cheek that began last Halloween when his teacher stuck a sticker on his face at their classroom celebration. The appointment went fine – he was very well-behaved because he thought she was going to give him a shot. Since the appointment was mid-morning I decided to keep him home from school, and we stopped to do a few errands on the way. When we got home 3 errands later, he took off his coat and I heard him exclaim, “Yeah! Yummy!” When I investigated I found a plastic M&M full of M&M’s that he had hidden in his sleeve! From his behavior I could tell that he had no idea that he had done anything wrong (Bad Mommy). Since he had made it out of the store he was home free.

Just that day I had witnessed the instant a mother realized that her son had made it out of Stop & Shop with a book. She scolded him and then let him take the book to the car! Since I had mentally berated that mother for allowing her son to keep the book, I had to pay the piper and march Adlani back to the store with his loot. I put it on the counter and explained that my son had taken it from the store without paying for it and the woman said to Adlani, “Oh that’s ok honey. Thank you for returning it.” I was giving her the hairy eyeball for being too nice and I whispered out of the corner of my mouth, “And don’t do it again!” She repeated that to Adlani but it didn’t sound nearly as scary as my version. Adlani was cool as a cucumber until I made him tell Ben what he had done. After about 5 minutes of trying to divert attention onto anything else, his poor, pitiful little face cracked and he started to cry. I cried too.

The whole episode brought back memories of my first brush with the law. It’s actually one of my earliest memories. I was at the grocery store with my mother, my stepfather, and my brother Brady, and someone had spilled Slim Jims under the conveyor. I picked some up and stuck them in my pockets, and then kept my hands in my pockets to conceal them. In the car I can clearly remember my stepfather asking why I had my hands in my pockets, and when I took my hands out, my crime was revealed. My mother reported me to the manager, who gave me a lollipop and one for my brother too. I guess it doesn’t matter that my confession was rewarded with kindness because I didn’t steal anything again until at least Junior High. And I’ve never eaten a Slim Jim.
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I’m sorry to keep you in suspense. I was so relieved that we finally got rid of every single nit I had to take to my bed for a couple of days to recuperate.

After being rejected by the school nurse for the third time on Wednesday (7 nits), I got serious. In the photo at left I’m using a halogen worklight, a floor lamp, and a headlamp, plus the overhead light in the dining room. I examined every single piece of hair on Aliya’s head, and sectioned the completed parts off with twistie-ties. It took over an hour, bringing the nit-picking total to 6 HOURS on ONE HEAD, and I found 2 nits. Done. Seriously – DONE.

Thursday morning we went to the nurse’s office – personally I was expecting another rejection since Aliya had practice for the school play on Thursday after school and Friday was pajama day. No pressure. I had checked her head at home before we left, and in the car before we entered the school. The nurse spent a solid half hour with the lighted magnifier going through Aliya’s entire head again. After about 25 minutes she said, “Oh no.” I said, “I’m SURE it’s a false alarm. Look again.” Upon further inspection it was not a nit. Aliya literally ran to her classroom she was so excited to be back in school. Nit Patrol – over and out.

I was positive that today would be the day Aliya would pass inspection with the school nurse, so when Ben suggested getting a pet monkey to pick out the nits I poo-pooed the idea. I may have to reconsider. At very least I need to invest in one of those giant lighted magnifiers on a stand. The nurse only found 7 nits today (still no live lice or hatchlings) so we’re getting there. The school district has a “no nit” policy, which is a really good thing, but it means that if I miss one teeny little nit – literally the size of the mark from a fine-tipped pen on paper, Aliya misses school, play practice, and the pajama day reward won by her class. No pressure.
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I am not accustomed to being defeated, particularly by something the size of a sesame seed. So far we’ve treated everyone in the house with lice-killer chemical shampoo. All of the bedding, coats, hats, etc., have been washed in hot water. The car has been cleaned and all of the kids’ car seat covers washed. All of the kids have had haircuts. I have checked everyone’s head at least twice a day, and I have spent 4-5 hours combing through Aliya’s hair looking for nits. When the substitute nurse arrived yesterday, she looked at Aliya’s hair and saw more nits so I had to go pick her up.

This morning I was giddy with the knowledge that I had found and annihilated every single nit. Until the other substitute nurse found about 12 more. What a letdown. We came straight home and saturated Aliya’s head with olive oil, wrapped her in cling-wrap, and left her like that for almost 5 hours. She was a good sport but she had a hard time keeping the dog away. That olive oil just smelled too good! She’ll kill me for posting this picture but if we make it through inspection tomorrow morning at the nurse’s office (if we don’t have a snow/ice day), it’ll be worth getting the Silent Treatment for a while.

Wish me luck!
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How is it that 47 seems sooooo much older than 41? Time to get Daddy a set of nose- and ear-hair trimmers. I remember when I was 10 and my best friend Karen Harrington and I both thought our moms were ANCIENT at the ripe old age of 29. Our kids must think we’re ready for the rocking chairs.

Ben’s big birthday celebration included – big surprise here – dinner at Bugaboo Creek. He refused to kiss the moose, but one positive was that kids eat free on Tuesdays after 4 p.m. Who knew?!

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