I really don’t know what I was thinking.
This morning I took Aliya and Norah to Old Navy to buy some school clothes. Aliya was a perfect angel while we were in the Girls’ section, but as soon as we started shopping for someone else she became a complete monster, hell-bent on doing the exact opposite of what she was told. I was SO PISSED considering that I basically bought her every back-to-school outfit she asked for and she thanked me by ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME.
So anyway, I was going to take the kids out for a late breakfast because it’s Ramadan and Ben is fasting, but Aliya lost the opportunity to go by being ROTTEN. So I dropped her off at home and took Adlani and Norah to J & M Diner. I LOVE the J & M Diner. The food is great, it’s fast, the service is good, and it’s a half mile from our house. It’s not big and it’s always busy, but it’s worth the wait.
Here’s the part where I lost my mind. The waitress talked me into sitting at the counter because there was a wait for a table and the kids were hungry. So we settled in, me in the middle with one of them on each side, and an empty seat next to Norah. Before we had even ordered, a big, old, grumpy-looking lady sat in the empty seat. I should have asked to move to a table, but I didn’t want to make waves.
I am NOT one of those parents who thinks her kids can do no wrong, lets them run wild, or finds it cute and amusing when they act up. I may occasionally ignore them because I can’t deal with one more “he pulled my hair”, “she touched my food”, or “he won’t get out of my room”, but I SWEAR TO GOD, I was on Adlani and Norah for the entire breakfast, reminding them to eat, use a fork, don’t spill your drink, sit down, be quiet, stop staring, stop picking your nose, stop touching yourself, stop touching the syrup, stop touching me, etc. I had my complete attention focused on them for the entire meal.
Out of the blue, the big, old, grumpy-looking lady said directly to Norah in a really mean voice, “Would you PLEASE stop kicking me when you get on and off the stool! It’s getting VERY TIRESOME!”
WHAT??? First of all, TIRESOME means “boring – so lacking in interest as to cause mental weariness.” So is my kid making you feel mentally weary? Bored? Or did you mean that you’re f-ing sick and tired of being kicked by my kid? Do you want to talk about being mentally weary, or sick and tired??? Cuz I can tell you ALL about THAT!
I DIDN’T THINK SO!!!
What I actually said, in a semi-bitchy, two-more-days-until-school-starts voice, was “I’m sorry, she’s not even 3 yet,” to which the BOGLL said, “I know.” WELL, if you KNOW, then maybe you could mention in a nice way that the kid is accidentally touching you and let me try to do something about it before you go all out on her. Or you could avoid sitting beside the kid in the first place.
I had all of our breakfasts in take-out containers within 90 seconds and we were out of there. BOGLL, wherever you are, I hope you enjoyed the rest of your kid-free breakfast.
While I was looking for a graphic representation of the BOGLL, I found this funny image:
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