Baby It’s Cold Outside

So, I’m in Vermont, alone with 3 kids, 2 kittens, and the dog (who is currently staying at Sherry’s house). It’s 5 degrees outside and the highest temp I saw today was 7.  I spent the last hour and a half begging the kids to go to sleep because I just couldn’t take one more minute of their bickering, whining, and singing. They finally passed out so I could eat my room-service burger in peace.

You may be asking yourself, “Why is she in Vermont alone?” I obviously wouldn’t CHOOSE to go on a road trip without another adult (unless I went YaYa and drove off by myself).  During the trip up, every bathroom break for one kid involved waking and dressing the others and hauling them into the gas station because I couldn’t leave them in the car alone. After I schlepped the kittens, kids, and bags into the hotel last night and the kids were half-dressed in their pjs, I realized that we left a critical bag in the car, so everyone had to get dressed, put all of their outerwear back on, and head back out to the car in the -15 windchill. Shopping for a few belated but necessary Christmas gifts yesterday included dragging Norah and Adlani around the mall, with Norah (dressed in an orange tutu) throwing herself on the floor in each store and screaming that she wanted a drink. I have been craving Starbucks for 3 days but the idea of getting everyone inside and then back out without spilling hot coffee on them while trying to avoid crazed after-Christmas shoppers in the parking lot is just too much to consider. And…I have to go in the pool. Ugh.

So yeah, being on duty long-term without a backup sucks.

It all started a few weeks before Christmas when I mentioned to Ben that Adlani had once again asked for a kitten for Christmas. Ben agreed in a moment of weakness that I could procure a kitten for Adlani, which turned into two kittens since the shelter said they needed each other for socialization. So I hunted down two kittens, went through the adoption process, and stocked up on kitten supplies. I had no idea that giving Adlani this gift would result in my solo trip to Vermont.

The weeks leading up to Christmas were totally insane for me, since the flu pushed everything out by two weeks. The only way I could cope was to focus on what absolutely had to be done on any given day. The Pathways brunch, getting everything organized for the final delivery, creating our annual photo books, getting packages in the mail, finishing the Christmas shopping, wrapping, decorating, cooking…it was one day at a time and extremely tiring and stressful. There were lots of things that didn’t get done but I had to let them go. I’ll try for perfection next year.

On Christmas Eve I spent the day cooking, and Ben spent the morning food shopping and the afternoon shopping for my gifts. Why did he wait until the very last second to shop for my gifts?  I can tell you that it was not because he had the flu. I took Aliya to church to see Hannah and Chloe in the Christmas pageant, and then we went to Brady and Monica’s for dinner. When we came home everyone headed for bed and I still had 4-5 hours of work ahead of me.

When Ben came to me and said, “What can I do to help?” my heart was filled with joy. Instead of staying up until 2 a.m., I pictured myself heading for bed at the perfectly reasonable hour of midnight. Then Ben completed his sentence with, “…so I can get a ***,” (starts with Q and rhymes with the word for a mark on one’s neck left by a close personal friend).

Even after all these years (I should expect this by now), my jaw dropped and my eyes got teary.  I couldn’t believe that the only way he would help was in return for services.  In retrospect, I could have easily taken 2 minutes out of my life for a little help with stuffing the stockings and getting the packages under the tree, but at that point it was all about the principle.  So there I was, everyone in bed, leaving me to make the magic happen.  Could I have made things easier for myself by defrosting a Sara Lee instead of making a coffee cake, and buying three of those big pre-filled mesh stockings at Target?  I guess I could have, but I am who I am.

If there’s one thing Ben’s good at, it’s holding a grudge.  On Christmas day he showed up for the gift marathon, but took to his bed for the rest of the day, leaving his poor mother to hang out with a bunch of non-Arabic-speaking in-laws.  I spent most of the day in the kitchen, where thankfully my brother Josh was willing to be on mashed potato and gravy duty, and my niece Majda helped with the dishes.  Ben was tired from all of the last-minute holiday shopping from the day before, but did load the dishwasher when I passed out from exhaustion at about 7.

The day after Christmas was more relaxed; I spent the morning chilled out in the midst of the mess with my brother and SIL.  Early in the afternoon we went over to Brady and Monica’s for a late lunch.  Ben had apparently had enough family togetherness so he stayed home.

The next morning we were due to leave for Vermont.  I spent the morning packing and preparing for the trip while Ben ranted that I had plenty of time to take care of the pets, but no time for him.  WTF?!  I didn’t have time for him (or for cutting my toenails, balancing the checkbook, or cleaning the refrigerator), because it took me twice as long to do everything by myself.  Around mid-morning he decided that he *didn’t feel like going to Vermont* (and that we still had to take all of the pets with us because he wasn’t going to take care of them).

So here I am.  And you know what I’ve learned?  Single motherhood is not easy.  And a nanny with a driver’s license who’d be willing to do some light housework is looking mighty good right now.
.